I still feel him sometimes when I am lingering between sleep and awake. He speaks to me in soft whispers and I can't help but cry. I need a Master like him. It has been so long since I have known the hand of a stern Master like him. I know now it is true. Once you are a slave... being free is never easy. You have known passion and love like no other... and I think even if in your freedom you take a companion... you long to be his slave. I dont know... I just miss him some much it kills me. I'd like to think that its true.. that when  he died he went to heaven.. not some dusty city... and then when I pass... I will see him in the light... I need to be owned....

He's DEAD! DEAD DEAD he has died dead gone My Master is dead.. I am free... I wish I was dead... dead... someone kill me. Please!!!

Devistated.

     He was nearly killed. I was not informed of said near death experience until he had already come out of his coma... by a small blonde slave none the less. No one in the house, or his grandson, or that woman who hangs all over him like a stubborn booger or anyone told me. I was worried about him.. I thought he left town without telling me again. I am just a slave afterall.... but I am HIS slave. I dont think he and I will ever get back what we had in the past. I do not think he loves me like he used to. He never calls me to his side, he doesnt have me serve his parties or his private meals.. I am just sent out every morning with a coin box when I am not helping his daughter with Tower Slave like duties. I miss him, my Master. I hear he is getting better every day and soon he will be up and about again... but until then I do not know what to do with myself. Perhaps he is going to sell me. I hope not.. but then again why should I stay if he does not want me?

Faith once more.

     I was in my kennel, nursing some bruises when the kennel Master came to me and told me to gather my belongings. I had no idea what was happening at the time, but I knew I was not going to return. So in a small bag I placed my old camisk, my journal and the pearl handled brush, placed it on my shoulder and stood aside while my hands were bound and I was walked out of the city kennels. Apparently I had been purchased. I had no idea by whom. Soon we came to an Inn near a clinic in the city. I was led inside and told to kneel there near the fire until the one whom summoned me could claim me. The kennel Master went about his business ordering paga and getting completely inebriated and after many hours I finally knew why I was there. Tarm. He came from a room upstairs with the healer woman from the arena and with a handful of my hair in hand walked me from the inn. I have never been so happy in all of my life. Well that's a lie. I was this happy when he came to Tarnburg and took me from Seti's inn after leaving me there scared and defeated. I love him you know, and though I think he would never admit it in public... he loves me too. I do not know what my purpose in his house will be this time, but I am soo happy that I am his again. I will strive to keep in his favor, I do not wish to be sold or abandoned again...

The world keeps on turnin' ....

     I had a dream last night about a memory of my da on earth in my dream he told me I was destined for better things then the convent and that I was much to pretty to go to seminary school and later to devote my life to serving a God he never believed in. That was the night I was taken. I was still wearing the silken gown my mother had made me for that graduation party when I awoke on the side of a mountain in the arms of a rather large brutish man, my arms bound behind my back with binding fiber. I suppose my Da was right. I was destined for different albiet not nessesarily better things. I served and believed in a God I could not see. I loved him blindly like a fool. I was a fool for God. Now soo many years later I am like that for my former Master Tarm of Ar. I worshipped him like a God. I followed all of his rules to secure my salvation and my place in his heaven. I have not seen him in soo long. I feel like I am back on earth serving my God. I remember a verse from my bible. It was the Book of John 5:23. It said.. " all men shall honor the Son just as they Honor the Father. He whom does not honor the Son does not honor the father who has sent Him." I feel that way about Tarm. If I serve those who are not him with his honor in mind then all of those years in his collar and all the money he spent training me is not in vain. I miss him. I hear he is going to be companioned again. I wish him, and his woman luck. If only I could see him. He is like my ever faithful and distance God on earth. I wonder if men will right books about him when he dies like they did for Jesus...

killing time

     I was allowed a small moment to relax yesterday and so I went to the gardens thinking I would be able to relax and enjoy the flowers in silence. I knelt at the apex of the path and was soon confronted by a man settled beneath a tree eating a topsit and reading a book. The man was a slaver, and judging by his accent, he was not of Ar. He had the golden ropes of Tharna on his belt. He spent awhile talking to me.. asking questions about my thoughts on the rumor that barbarians were the lowest and hottest of slaves. I said I didnt know, but I thought they could be. Soon I was in his lap in the position of slave lips. Our hips moving in a teasing dance against eachother his hands claiming my wrists and pulling them high above my head causing my back to arch wickedly. My chest pressed against his, his questions asked without answers. A feeling within me long forgotten. To be under the wicked eye of a slaver.. walked through paces I had long forgotten. Sure, I serve men in their furs for copper tarsks every day. I moan and squirm and feel slave orgasm. But its all mechanics. Trained into me like a helpless puppy begging for a treat. The hold I was in.. comanded not to move. It was thrilling to me mastered. If only for a few moments. Later that evening when the sun had started to set I was allowed at the waterfalls park to work on some notes in my gardening book when he appeared again. The woman Zia, my former trainer was also there. I scrambled to the slavers feet lest the woman get her paws on me. She is a wicked woman. She hates me more so then most slaves for some reason. I knelt at his feet, only to be put through my paces once again, the man placing me in many positions at his feet. I wonder if it was a look at me.. Im a better slaver then you are competition between him and Zia. Who knows.. Probabally not but still. I find myself wishing to see him again. If only to feel Mastered for those few moments. I miss my Master. I know he is here in the city somewhere.. its just a matter of finding out where now...

Rumors, Lies, and the persuit of happiness.

     I have heard tale of a man from Ar, a warrior of high standing to be exact, enslaved, treated like less then a pet mini sleen and used to fight in the pits for money. I have also heard of an excape from his captors and his freedom. He has not come for me. I believe he just might not. I know his companion has been in the company of the General, and the General had something to do with his release. We'll see what happens. My Master was a man who did what he wanted when he wanted, even in his chains. I wish I knew where he was so I could beg him to take me with him.

     I sat in my kennel beneath the cities larger slave house and spoke at length with a kajirus by the name of Zion. He said he had known the woman who claimed to own my Master. She was fickle and would of most likely sold him off out of the city if he had not excaped. Bitch!

     I saw Trahkam at the falls park. Seams he and tora are back to sharing a heart. Sweet the way they click with one another. I miss having such a relationship with my former Master. Perhaps someday....