back in the saddle again

It was all so quick... one day I met him in the falls park, and a little over a hand later, I was his slave. I was amazed to find out that he had me investigated and followed in thee time between the time we ment and the time he chased me down in the gardens and had me stripped. Things have been a wirlwind of experiences ever since, the collaring, the first use in 20 years... the beating with a switch. I have not seen a man like him in 20 years. I am affraid alot of the time, but it is exciting too. He is a man that knows what he wants and will do what he must to get it. I only hope I can commit to his collar the devotion I had for Tarm.. he would expect nothing else.

memories...

     Half of me.. wants to forget about you..

the other half thinks that is the worst thing that I can do.

And I dont know... dont know which side is right...

but I have listened to some people tell me

they have waited such a long time for something..

 they say two days is such a long time...

but I have waited five years for this

and now something has gone terrible wrong.

You say that you know what I mean..

but that's impossible..

I was so damned close

but now its gone and I dont know what to do...

 

      I have these moments sometimes where the presence of My former Master is soo close it is like his spirit has reached out and gently touched my face. I miss him like breathing half the time.. and the other half the time I can see nothing but his face everywhere I turn. The apartment seams cramped all of a sudden, the city too close.. I feel a wanderlust coming on but I do not have the money to hire someone to escort me to  Thassa to take that trip to saite it. I wish I could find something to take the pain away. Something... someone.. who knows. Sometimes I think slavery is the answer.. I mean at least in the collar with the proper handling one feels like they have a reason or purpose.. here.. and now.. I feel as if I am hanging my ass out of a car window and waiting for something to snatch me out and take me away. God do I miss cars..

Blue paint... and BlueBells.

   I went to the market this evening to pay my rent and the broker made mention that the fire headed fishmonger was seen in Ar. I do hope he does not come and evict me from the apartment already... I have done so much to make it like home. I just painted the oposite wall from the yellow one a almost lavender blue to give the room more of a sunlight and sky kind of look. The blue and yello wlook good together. WHite is sooo sterile... like a hospital.. in a rual jungle village in Guatamala I once nursed at when I was about to join the nunnery... Anyway... very pretty. I suppose once the buds that will soon become flowers bloom they will look nice against the wall on the small table I purchased in a vase. The place is so girly.. even with all these slave rings all over the place. I had a dream the third day I was here that I was chained there whilst sleeping... I woke up in a sweat. How scary that could be. Anyway.. more painting and shopping. I wonder what it would be like to be chained here in my little apartment... Uuggh it gives me the shivers just thinking about it. Perhaps if I see Naka and the fishmonger.. I will ask her when the fishmonger is not looking...

Girlie wiles

     The apartment is looking more and more like home, and I can tell you that living in such a place, and being who I am makes life interesting. Who would of thought, like I said before, that a former Earth Girl who was destined for the Nunnery, aquitized to Gor and enslaved, forced into freedom and left to her own devices would be living in the district of the central cylinder in Ar. I painted one wall in the main room a soft yellow hue to better reflect the sun when it comes through the window and liven up the place a bit. I was sure to pay the rent first to make sure it was out of the way. I do not need the fishmonger to come back when he chooses to do so and find the apartment redone, but no rent paid. The yellow wall was added, and so too was my flower box. The plants are germinating and small sprouts have come through the top soil. I wonder how much longer until I have pretty flowers to place in vases around the place. I wish they had star gazers on Gor. The smell alone from one flower is enough to fill a whole room with its lovely scent. I need now to go to the market... after all this work... Im hungry. I will write more as I renovate.

Flowers

     I am not  born Gorean, and in all these years of having been brought here... I only knew the name of one flower.. and that was the talander. So when I went to pick the seeds of flowers this afternoon.. I was clueless as to what ones I liked by name. Some flowers that are indiginous to Gor are the same as certain flowers on earth. So in my own rekoning.. I planted some 4 O'clocks, Blue Bonnets, Marigolds, and Poppys in my window box. I would never claim to be a carpenter by any means but growing up on that farm in Ireland I did learn a little bit about swining a hammer. So outside of my rented kitchen window now hangs a wooden box full of dirt and seeds awaiting the suns rays to help in the germination of some pretty little flowers. As a slave I knew only two things. You slice open a larma or wear a talander in your hair if you wanna get laid by your Master... I wonder what the names and purposes of these flowers are. I wish I had friends that I could ask these simple questions without seeming " Barbarian " or " Ignorant " Anyway... Im looking forward to them... I think the white paint can use a little color. I hope the fishmonger doesnt mind I placed the flower box outside his window.

Open windows.

     I am pretty excited. I have recently made an agreement with the fish monger to rent the apartments that him and Naka shared in the district of the Central Cylinder here in Ar. Can you believe me... living in the district of the Central Cylider? In Ar..? IN such a grand apartment.. with so many slave rings... hmm. Anyway... the price is good for this area. I pay two silver a hand and it is my responsibility to over see repairs if they are needed. So far so good. Who would of ever thought a freed barbarian slave girl would be living in this neck of the woods.. I will write more later... I have some flowers to pick and plant in the window box I built.

     Seams Naka and Phi went on their trip afterall. I wish my friend would of let me know they were leaving so I could of said goodbye. It seams the more I try and have friends and a life the more it slips away. I hardly leave my rooms at the Inn any longer.. seams everytime I do I get assulted verbally or otherwise by someone accusing me of being a slave. Well I am a slave... in a free woman's clothing somewhere in my heart... I just down know how to go about setting myself free of my forced "freedoms" I miss Tarm. I wish that he had not died. Things would be so much easier if he had not. I wonder if the poet could use someone to help him at the Boarding House. I am running out of coin quickly...